Living For A Life !!!

Days become nights. Nights become days.
And the time seems like a twinkle.
No time to live a life.

I do not want coir beds. It is enough if I could see the stars, real and twinkling, when I lay back. A hay bundle enough for my back. I do not want to reach the stars; enough if I am able to admire the moon's beauty from here. Enough if I could honestly smile for the sea breeze, play with the beach sand.

I do not want to earn for what I do not want to buy, what I am trying to stay away from. Enough money for a day's food for two. I do not want a wife who nags up until the time of my funeral. I neither want one who is always under the pursuit to keep my sexual sense under her control. I do not want one who feels my aspirations is like an undesirable topic during sex.

Enough if I could squeeze a drop of tear to (en)lighten myself for a kid's smile. Enough I could atleast nod for a good note if not sing or play. I do not want to write poems, speak literature, groom language and such; enough if able to appreciate them.

I do not want a lot of company; enough if I have a few friends. Enough if they honestly share. Enough if I have a walk paved with our memories.

Not want a world, not want to be in a world that says my wants are too much. But just want to live a life......mine and mine alone, but not alone.

The Lonely Protagonist !!!

Nobody say to cheers. Nobody to ask what, why ? Nobody to ask why he is holding his tears ? Nobody to ask why his tears are precious ? Nobody to listen to what betrayal is. Nobody to respect his dirt ? Nobody. Always a company of three.............Himself, His glass and the Almighty DRINK. The drops that did not get tasted are more cursed than Him.

A Reason To Live !!!

She was wearing a red dress. The red was so true that the late evening light could not steal away the colour. Her fair colour was backing the red. She shone like white gold subsiding the moon light. The breeze flew in to and fro direction trying every chance to touch her on the face, on every exposed part of her body. The waves were trying to reach out and touch her feet....atleast. She too was sitting with pride exposing her feet as if challenging the waves. The sweet smile on her face and the kisses were for the kids around. The sand.............it was with me, all over, not noticed at all, suppressed in the dark, and yet bearing her. I wish I was the wave. I wish I was the breeze. I wish I was one of the kids.

If a nail could be beautiful, it is hers. I watched every strand of her hair. I was watching and envying every damn thing that she was with. I was just there beside her - admiring and unnoticed. She is my goddess. I live to be hers.

Morale - Yesteryear Gifts !!!

Seems good times were long ago. Even a struggle is something prior to a good time. These years - they are fully empty, and life just is going on. Some of the lessons that the past good years left for me:-

This year I have met with all joy and sorrow, success and failure, friendship and hostility. All the way this year, even met with the vulgar things in my life. Yet I have always thought and practiced to be right and do right. I can survive and succeed with such thoughts. I shall come out of the hell of the things stopping me. I shall win. I swear I won't stop until I reach my destiny. My mistakes, my sentiments or my emotions do not contribute anything to my destiny. Only my urge, my efforts!

Success in my life has begun.

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Pains and pleasures are the important and equal part of life. They are meaningless without one another. If there is no pain, we cannot EXPERIENCE pleasure. Pains are not pains; they are troubles neither.They are tests to make our head work. Pains mold us and make us acquainted with all parts of life. I have learned to accept pain. Because I DO NOT WANT TO TASTE THE FRUIT WITHOUT CLIMBING THE TREE.

But pains alone slow down the pace in our lives. So let God, henceforth, give me the power to win all the obstacles in life. Let the year and years ahead shower me with the grace of God, give me a healthy body, stable clear mind with pleasant and pure thoughts, and all powers to win future endeavors.

Praying for a peaceful world altogether.

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A span of 365 days (and also every day spent) teaches a person something very useful to his life. I had lived a proud life; taking too much pride of my health, forgetting the ways to keep it safe. This span in my life has taught and warned me to be safe with health. I always was proud of my qualification and profession, neglecting the thoughts of a jobless life. This span has taught me how to be patient and inert in the worst times, and how to bear the disturbances from the society and surrounding. What I was taught, what I have learned is my armour for the life ahead. Bless me!

The Drought !!!

Am I going to die on the streets ?
Will not I not be dying on the arms of my girl with the last few drops of precious tears in our eyes ?
Am I not going to meet her in this birth ? Won't I not talk to her of me, and listen to her with care and awe ?
Are those forests and beaches going to be uninhabited forever ? Aren't we going to be Adam and Eve ?
Am I not going to feel the resonance with her ?
I seem to be immortal suffering this pain.

Who is listening ? I am trying to communicate. I am thinking for long.
Even words betray me. I fail to quote.
Words that I fail to utter die; words that fail to express my longing are once again cremated. I am forgetting expressions. I am forgetting to write. I am losing my ink.

She remains, and reminds !!!

In Memory Of The Pleasant Days !!!

I hear heavy engines whirring. I hear them close to my ears. I am going to fly. Fly at great heights above the clouds. And fly away into a future which does not tell me if I will ever return. So now is the last of those volatile moments to enjoy the things I am going to miss.

 

I will no more be a democratic man. I will no longer experience true moments of freedom and the pride of exercising it. And for a long time, I will not be breathing fresh air, and will be paying for pure water. No more cool unpolluted breeze. No more self-analysing self-realising calm walks in the lonely evenings. No more ME.

I will give up my black coffee addiction after tonight. I will miss manoeuvering all my favorite cars (ofcourse rented) on the solid roads laid years ago forever. I will no more climb up more than 20 floors. End of the downtown season. I am going to miss flirting the cat eyed teen age girls on the street. Streets that are always parallel and aligned. Streets that are full of shops that never throw garbage. Shops that stock best wines at cheap rates. Shops that offer discounts for beers every week. But after tonight, I will have to stop drinking. The half one on my desk is the last of the best ones, my favorite - Gordon Biersch 'Marzen'.

From now on, there are going to be only sparse thoughts about my dream girl. I am going to miss the longings I have been suffering. I am going to miss the Fight Club.

Will this list ever end ? It is true that I am going to miss these and much more.
But I am flying to those who have missed me for a long long time.

{For The Passed Moment On The Night Of September 20}

Untouched Corners !!!

I remember......I heard this song, and it made me lose myself. Today, I read something; it completely blind folded me and left me somewhere, a place well known to me but not visited often. A place where music is only for one's ears, and light only for one's eyes. My vocabulary begs to describe the place I was taken to. Despite the heavenly aura, the place was distressing, disturbing and painful; a pain one would want to suffer.

There are these 'untouched corners' in all of us.......atleast me. It is a place not acquainted with all the time; not with all, not even self. A place where dreams are not to dream but to fulfill. A place so exquisite and pleasant or deadly and diabolical, the boundaries defined by the limits one take it to. My corner is an uninhabited one. It is just the two of us.

Until these days, my corners were a place to visit. She was mischievous enough to touch these corners....often. I do not know if it was my addiction or hers. And now, I live there.

Silence is the music.
Time and tide is still. The only thing running is my tears.
I do not age nor die. I just, AM........waiting for her.